Writing while eating Mush (Or, Post-Anniversary toothlessness)

To demonstrate how much I actually enjoy writing these log entries, I am taking time out from watching the FOX network’s 25-year anniversary to finish this one up. That’s interesting that they are one week younger than the Yacht Club. I wonder if there was a TV in the Yacht yet? (Yeah, yeah, probably the same one that’s in there now.)

I’m going to run through a few non-sequitars very quickly, and than surprise you at the end by tying them all together, so don’t skip any or the puzzle won’t seem complete to you. Continue reading

Pig Bodine to Attend Yacht Club Reunion

“If you name this document it will become unusable. Are you sure you want to continue?” This is what I get for letting a non-professional work on my computer. Of course the work was free, so I can’t really complain, but how do you screw something up in such a bizarre fashion?! Luck? Skill?!

Anyway, nothing can deter me from continuing on with my work, which is, primarily, to keep the Yacht Club’s 25-year anniversary squarely in the forefront of your thoughts. My secondary and tertiary objectives, being of a subliminal nature, must remain unadvertised at this time, though maybe we could organize some sort of guessing game involving prizes, since these have been so successful in the past and seem to be what most people enjoy. Here’s one for you; I will buy you a beer of your choice (with my own money) if you can tell me why it is that this document will become unusable if I name it. Ross and members of his family and household are not eligible for this prize. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited.

Wow! I am writing this on Wednesday, April the 4th, and the anniversary activities start Monday the 9th! Luckily, I don’t believe anything has changed, schedule-wise, so the list of activities from March 29th, which I believe you can access by clicking on “Talk About A Coincidence!” at the bottom of this page, should still be totally accurate. Remember the thing you printed up and taped to your fridge? That’s still good too! Which does imply that we organized this event ahead of time and knew what we were doing, which I know seems impossible, but we are really really excited about this, not just jaded bartender pretend excited. It also means that you better come and participate or we will really really enjoy hating on you forever and a day.

The Yacht Club’s 25-Year Anniversary is Saturday, April 10th.
I really don’t feel like looking beyond the anniversary at this time. It is just too all-important and time consuming, but for those 27 of you who read these on-line log entries as if they were your own personal General Hospital, I promise that once the Yacht Club is Officially 25 years old, I will go back to giving you accounts of the sordid, scandalous, and sometimes irredeemable exploits of the Yacht Club staff and clientele, as seen from behind the bar, using everyone’s real names in my continuing attempts to be incarcerated, beaten up, or at least reprimanded.

And, although it’s not official yet, probably by the time the dust clears after the anniversary week, the GOP will have lit on a candidate, and the Super PACs can finally be unleashed. If you were paying close attention on Wed, April 4th, you probably noticed Obama and Romney fiddling with the safeties on their respective big guns. This is going to be fun, just like the World Cup, even down to the contests writhing in agony about how badly they’ve been hurt by the unfair tactics of their opponent. But really, it’s better than soccer because it has some professional wrestling thrown in. You get to sit back and laugh at spectators becoming apoplectic because they think it’s real! They think the results are going to have some noticeable effect on their daily lives. It’s a hoot!

Thanks to my co-worker, Jen , and her evil boyfriend, Jett, I have had the privilege of going behind the scenes at a WWB event. I got to see the evil guys (sorry, I don’t know their monikers) practicing with the heroes, then josh around with each other, talk a little business, then head over to the mobile cantina and share a meal. But when they hit the stage, you’d swear they were mortal enemies. You may even be savvy enough to know the fight itself is choreographed, but there’s no doubt that these guys would rip each other’s faces off if they ran into each other on the street.

Stereotype of the Month
The Pouncer: The pouncer is a person who will actually let you get a word in. Their main diet is enthusiasm-in-others which they abhor and cannot abide. Whether you are describing a book, a movie, a person, or anything, they wait until you have said something positive about it, and then they pounce. Pouncers generally have poor to non-existent vocabularies as far as positive descriptions go, but they love to show off their often finely honed abilities to be negative; in other words to describe what they don’t like.

In much the same way that people who were abused as children grow up to be abusers, pouncers often were mocked at some point in their lives for liking something new and different, and thus have regressed into a protective shell from which they attack optimism in others. Pharmaceuticals are often very helpful in relieving this condition, but only temporarily. Therapy has been shown to have certain long-term effects.

Prevalent topics of Bar Conversations

The Yacht Club’s 25th Anniversary- Duh, of course it’s the talk of the bar. My concern is that there is somehow going to be someone who will come into the bar on Sunday the 15th and piss & moan about how they missed it because they didn’t know about it! Don’t be that person!
Death as a continuum- Seriously, at least a half dozen totally unrelated conversations about death, from the fear of being buried alive, (which came one RCH away from happening last week to a dude in Johannesburg) to the possibility of living forever, or at least indefinitely through the use of biotechnology.

The guy in South Africa, aged 50, had a stroke and “died”. After 21 days in the morgue, as they were preparing to bury him, someone saw him breathing! The man was taken to a nearby hospital for observation and later discharged by doctors who deemed him stable. What is death again? In this case, the man had no heartbeat or pulse so he was carted off to the morgue.
21 days later. . . .
Kind of makes you wonder how many coffins there are throughout the world with scratches on the inside of the lid; how many corpses there are with bloody, splintered fingertips.

Nightmarish? Yes. Fantasy? No. It is really surprising to me how much this whole death continuum is on people’s minds. Although probably very few would articulate it in those terms, it is the same regardless of how you dress it up. Possibly the center stage which Health Care and the Supreme Court assumed lately spurred thoughts which board their proverbial train and lead to death. It is literally the death throes of an old system. How to deal with new problems under new circumstances, while being constrained by an obsolete document which is worshipped like the Qur’an. A document that was written when there were a million people in the country now being applied to 350 million people. I admire that it is adaptable and elastic, but really, fatso, isn’t it time to fashion a new pair of drawers? I guarantee you that no matter how visionary the founding fathers were, they never foresaw a world with over seven billion people.

And they damn sure never foresaw The Yacht Club’s 25 Year Anniversary on April 14th! (hint hint)