Talk about a Coincidence!

test. You’re not going to believe this, but April 14th is the Yacht Club’s 25-year anniversary! Wait! That’s not even the part you’re not going to believe. April 14th is also the 100-year anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic! OMG!

Not surprisingly, my fantasy-schedule for the Yacht Club’s 25-year anniversary-week missed the bull’s eye, but I was right that there’s going to be a week-long extravaganza! Here is the latest update on the activities you can expect that week. Print it up, clip it out, and tape it to your fridge.

Yacht Club 25-Year Anniversary
Birthday-Week Activities

Monday, April 9th – Yacht Club Trivia – Robert Holland spices up his already brain-melting questions with plenty of Yacht Club-related history, legend and gossip.*

Tuesday, April 10th – Toss-up Tournament & Abominable Blitz – Win free, tasty beverages by playing Toss-Up** with your Bartender until it gets dark, because as the sun sets the music begins! L5P’s very own Marching Abominables. Fifteen years ago they really were abominable. Now they’re excellent, playing everything from Tequila to Margaritaville.

Wednesday, April 11th – Wasted Potential – New Orleans “Second Line Band”***, a down and dirty horn section, will show us why everyone gets happy when the dead come home in the Big Easy. Party like the pros down in New Orleans, starting directly the sun sets.

Thursday, April 12th – Whoa Nelly! – The Yacht Club’s official “house band”, Whoa Nelly, will be playing bluegrass while Hippy goes all out on the BBQ! Banjos, Dobros, Fiddles, foot-stomping, blood letting, and everything you need for a balls-to-the-wall hoedown! Bring yer clogs or at least yer toughest boots, on account of our floor pushes back. Music starts at 9:00PM. http://whoanellyband.com

Friday, April 13th – Gino’s Lucky Yacht Club Bingo – Prizes range from a pint of PBR draft to 20 lashes with a wet bar towel. ‘Nuff said. http://ligiheaven.com/?tag=vladmodels
[ neither the Yacht club or the editor of this web site endorses the above link - ed.] 

Saturday, April 14th – THE MAIN EVENT – All hands on deck for the actual, genuine, indisputable day which celebrates the 25 year anniversary of the Yacht Club. Why, we even remember what time, down to the second, that we threw the doors open on April 14th , 1987.
TODAY the music starts at exactly 3:00PM (hint, hint).
The Bands in Order of Appearance:
1) Gun Party http://www.reverbnation.com/gunparty
2) L5P Rockstar Orchestra
3) American Anodyne http://www.reverbnation.com/americananodyne
4) Young Antiques  http://youngantiques.com/
5) Walk from the Gallows
6) Jayne County  http://www.jaynecounty.com/

As you can see it is shaping up. Hell, we should know exactly what’s going on by the time it’s over! Probably there will be special foods and drinks, but that still remains in the realm of Gino fantasy for now. I shall continue driving the dream into existence!

To many people, myself included, the Yacht Club is much more than a bar; it is, among many other things, a nexus of information. Although mostly known for the exhaustive archiving of cutting-edge science, such as robotics, artificial intelligence, and nanotechnology, we have also accumulated a smorgasbord of information about Obama’s controversial health-care legislation since 2009. We are now, thanks to a generous donation from Crazy Vicky, able to build a second wing onto the Terry Williams Memorial Mobile Science Facility, currently located at The Yacht Club at 1136 Euclid Ave. As you already know, the first wing was completed in January, and is dedicated solely to the anticipated negative-advertising campaigns, which will ensue when the Republicans finally decide on who they will run against President Obama. Called The Political Psychology wing, this section of the science facility studies the effects of the Supreme Court’s decision to allow Super-PAC sponsorship of the presidential candidates.

Speaking of the Supreme Court. . . .

The new wing also seeks to collect information from various different sources, and concentrates on health care and how it has come to be perceived by many as different from other commodities such as cable television and automobiles. Starting on Monday, April 2nd, the new wing will be opened to the public, and it’s contents available for perusal. As yet we have not worked out a feasible system for items to be “checked out”, but, due to many passionate requests, we are moving towards making that a possibility by mid-July, 2012.

Most discussed subject in March

Death is a gray area

I know it’s an uncomfortable thought, but dadgummit, it’s true. Death has become a continuum. There is no criteria you can use and conclusively declare that someone’s either dead or alive. We missed the whole “You’re dead when your heart stops beating”, phase and were born at the dawn of brain death. Also, our births coincide with the popularization of organ transplants, the most controversial slippery slope since abortion. Sheesh, and this is a bar!

First, decide that whatever it says is correct (since it was divinely inspired, like the Koran,) then formulate your arguments.
Well, good news for constitutional purists, bad news for me. Looks like health care reform is dead and I’m not far behind it. Went from not being able to get health insurance to having to have health insurance, and now back to not being able to get health insurance. Oh well, at least I can buy as many guns as I want since it is my divinely inspired constitutional right. Now, back to worshipping the Constitution. Where was I, facing Philadelphia?

New Beer!
Jailbreak IPA

*Robert publicly poo poos your knowledge of Yacht Club History. That’s right, Peggy, Roy, Karen,McNamara, Ross, Variety Dave, Bill Harrison, Nambla Bill, Scott, Coyote Dave, Tommy, Marty the Plumber, Allen Hudson, Debra “the” Valet, J.B. & Lisa, Amy C., Eric K., Eric M., and Eric & Julia, Babbs, Tall Steve & Missy, Reid & Barbara, Guatemala Mark, Larry and El Lenore, Doug, Randall Bailey, Norman Narmore, CNN Steve “Priest” Grady, The rest of the Grady Bunch (I’m illstay orkingway on atthay 1 day uspensionsay of atthay upidstay arringbay.)

**Apparently, you flip a coin and if it’s heads your drink is half price and if it’s tails it’s full price. However, by the time we get done with modifications and stipulations it will be more incomprehensible than Obama’s health care plan.

***Second Lining has been called the quintessential New Orleans art form – “A jazz funeral without a body!” It is a tradition in brass band parades In New Orleans. Just to make a distinction, the first line is the main section of the parade, the actual club with the parading permit. Those who follow are called the “second line”. Because there’s no corpse, there are also no slow hymns or dirges. YAY!

25 Year ANNIVERSARY!

The Yacht Club’s 25 year Anniversary!!

 

Well, I’ll be danged, Beau!  The Euclid Ave. Yacht Club has been around a Quarter of a Century!!

 

Mark it on your Calendar

April 14th is The Yacht Club’s 25 year Anniversary!

 

Here are some of the things you can look forward to.

 

Live music! – Walk From The Gallows (Not to be confused with Walk to the Gallows), American Anodyne.  And, in my Rock and Roll fantasy, Blake Paris, Frank Anzalone, and Kevin Rainwater, playing The Violent Femmes’ album Hallowed Ground in its entirety (How cool would that be?!)

 

The possibilities are endless, but already, attempts are being made to hamstring my reporting.  However, until a way is found to bind and gag me.  I am going to use my new Internet powers to report the truth!  And right now, that truth is that there is a dazzling vision by some owners, management and staff (and the powerful people who put together the web page) to have, not only an extravaganza on Saturday the 14th of April (The Yacht Club’s 25th Anniversary, no less) but to have related fun events throughout the week, starting on Monday the 9th, in which Robert Holland would conduct an EAYC-centric trivia game, moving through possible events such as Gino’s Yacht Club Bingo on Tuesday, The New Orleans styled brass band Wasted Potential on Wednesday the 11th, Roberto’s Restaurant Italiano on Thursday, and God knows what super, ultra-creative gnomish things on Friday.

 

The above is in no way to be construed as an “official” schedule.  It is a possibility.

 

BECAUSE

 

there are equally powerful forces at work who feel this would be too much extra work and waa waa waa.  Will the vigorous forces of fun and excitement prevail, or will the sluggards who can’t tolerate the slightest change in their routines win the day?  Noone knows yet!  Will I, Gino, get in trouble for airing the Yacht Club’s dirty laundry? DEFINITELY!!!   Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of The slugs vs. the Ants!

 

 

Well, not surprisingly, the reaction to my lectures on truth and lying was non-existent.  I know everyone has more important things to do, like peruse John Travolta’s homepage and educate themselves on the sad state of the Georgia public school system, and that’s fine. But please, seriously, don’t send me the web sites for these things!  I am perfectly capable of surfing the web and finding stupid, boring things for myself.  Here is my official press release one more time. . . .

 

You do not need an audience to surf the net or watch the news.

Stop being pathetic!!

 

Now, to the other 27 readers who actually plow their way through these missives;

 

1)   I’m sorry if some of the sentences are a little long for you, but at least they are grammatically correct.*

 

 

2)   Tommy says that you are colorblind if you can’t read the entries and that if you don’t stop whining he will change it to green on blue so that your eyeballs jiggle! (I encouraged him to do so anyway, but he is a nice person, unlike me.)

3)    Also, I have this thing about jiggling body parts.

 

*Wow! Someone said something to me today that knocked my socks off! They said, in all sincerity, “I’m sorry!”(They had criticized my writing without having read it.)  Awesome!  You win the great-person-of-the-month award!  If you ever want to make someone really respect you, say you’re sorry when you say or do something wrong, instead of floundering around with weak, unskilled lies and lame excuses (like Comcast).

 

Is there anything you could see on the Internet, besides Kiddie Porn, that would shock and outrage you?

 

Duh! Well of course!  There’s . . . that one thing, and of course . . . you know. . . .

 

DESENSITIZED

 

Dang!  Have I really become that way? I mean, if my mom or sister or close friends were being murdered, sure, I’d go on a pretty nasty revenge spree myself, but anything else? I am newly back on the Internet, and I can see anything I want to.  Yay!  Yay?

 

Is that good?  Freedom of Speech and all?!  OMG, OMG, OMG!

 

I almost forgot something extremely important!  Wait! What time is it?

Time to Worship the Constitution!

Don’t worry your pretty little heads that you don’t know what it says. Worship it!  You get the basic gist of it.  You have the Cliff’s Notes, right?  Hurt anyone who dares to say that everything about the constitution is not absolutely perfect, or that it was not divinely inspired.  Repeat after me; Freedom of Speech, something, something, something and “you get to have as many guns as you want.” (Paraphrase)   Maybe we should worship it four or five times a day, at specified times. Maybe we should face Philadelphia while kneeling in worship to such a divinely inspired document. That’s where it was written, right? Philadelphia? Was it? Hmm? Was it divinely inspired? You better believe it was!  Why else would there be an eyeball in a pyramid on it?  Hmm?

 

 

I finally got my Target disposable-camera developed.  It has been laying around in the wine rack at the Yacht Club since before Christmas, for anybody to use.  Some of the more interesting photos were,

1)   Park Atlanta giving Santa Clause a ticket.

2)   Three inches of butt crack from a fat guy pretending to change his tire in front of American Apparel.

3)   The Northern Lights appearing in my mom’s dining room as we were about to fondue.

4)   A slender girl wearing black tights, blue knee socks and penny loafers. (Thanks to whoever took that one. It pretty much covers all my fetishes.)

5)   The Wig-Store guy from across the street, sitting on a stool facing into a corner. (The temptation to slap a dunce cap on his head was almost overwhelming, and only Lionel’s and my intense, Yacht-Club training prevented an international incident.

 

 

There is something that bothers all of you, and it bothers me too.

 

Why do people put things on their computers that it would be absolutely ruinous to them if the whole world found out about it?  Do they really think that any type of security software or firewall or anything is reliable enough to prevent something totally devastating to their lives to slip out?  Or do you think they go to bed each night secretly thrilled and terrified by the prospect that they could wake up with the world knowing their sordid secrets.

 

Well, I’m no anthropologist (though I dabbles in sociology and psychology), but I think I have found a significant historical precedent for trusting the wardenship of Internet security as if it were some august duenna incapable of spoiling one’s virginal reputation.  In many histories, historical novels, and fiction novels I’ve read through the years, households were attended by a variety of servants.  Wealthier families engaged more menial labor, and the ultra-wealthy even retained servants to help them dress and draw their bath water.

 

These moneyed worthies would discuss all their blackest deeds and plans in front of the servants.  Unbelievably these gossips would go run their mouths all over town, and the next thing you know, the whole world knows the boss’s dirty secrets.  Way too rarely I encountered a passage where someone overcame this problem.  Instead you get people puzzling over how everything they discussed over a meal became fodder for the city’s gossips!

 

It seems imbecilic, but the same thing occurs today on the Internet.  High school girls bearing their breasts are incredulous when the picture leaks out. CEOs are dumbfounded when their incriminating e-mails are splashed on the front page of the Wall St. Journal. And then there’s Farve, e-mailing pictures of his wiener.  And then there’s Wiener!

 

And then there’s Maude.

OK. I am about to try something crazy.  I am going to try to post this entry.  But in case I don’t make it, remember:

 

Yacht Club 25 year Anniversary April 14th.

 

Don’t be a dummy and miss it.

You need conventional Public House wisdom to protect you.

 

 

The End of a 5-year technological Hiatus?

In case you don’t know, five years ago I embarked on a seemingly impossible social experiment. If you do already know about it, skip down to where it says, “Skip to here” in bold print. If not, or if you’re interested in a recap, read on. And but so then, so anyway (as Faylynn would say) due to poor service, and outrageous, unhealthy aggravations, I decided that I would live a simpler life without cable television, and without the Internet. I called it a technological hiatus, and that term stuck between my friends and I, but the truth is, I only gave up two things. I know a quite a few people who could not live without cable TV, like Shane, and there is nothing wrong with that. But five years ago, the Internet was the end-all, must-have utility. And that was before smart phones, U-tube, and Facebook. Well, I almost ditched my hiatus when that first shipment of I-Phones rolled in, but reading, and watching sporting events over at friends houses got me through (Thanks Ross & Roy). Finally the hiatus expired and I decided to get new glasses, an I-Phone, and, because I wanted an I-Tunes account, I decided to have Comcast hook me back up with High-speed cable, X-finity. It is important at this juncture to point out that Comcast was much more than the straw that broke the camels back when I forsook the Internet. In January, 2011 I made five service calls to Comcast because my Internet didn’t work. My only phone at the time was Vonage, which requires high-speed cable internet-access to work, so each of these service calls had to be made from a friend’s cell-phone or from work. Talk about frustrating! After the 5th service call in a month, I came home from work early one morning and couldn’t get on line. The camel’s back broke in a spectacular temper tantrum, and after long consideration of who to kill, and what to blow up, I decided on my peaceful, Thoreau-esque, King-esque, plan of a five-year hiatus. I remember being very excited about how much everything would have improved after five years, and I was secretly hoping there would be many other high-speed cable options. If I could only muster the will power to stick to it!

Well, I’m proud to say, that in spite of much teasing, and the near ruin of my social life, I did stick to it, for five whole years. And I read a lot of good books (a lot of crappy ones too to be fair), and saw some exciting baseball. And I made a big production out of the ending of my technological hiatus, including sponsoring a contest in which people could win a prize if they suggested the gizmo I purchased to break my technological fast. Although the hiatus officially ended January 11th, 2012, it took me nearly two months to finally decide what to get, in what order, and maintain financial viability. Because I would need High-speed cable to set up an I-Tunes account, I decided to get that taken care of first.

* * Skip to Here * *

After five years I was surprised to find that Comcast was still the only game in town. But, after talking to a sales rep on the phone for a half an hour, I was reassured that everything would be OK, and that I could safely let bygones be bygones. So I set up an appointment for Comcast to come out and hook me up on Wed. March 8th, even though my mom and sister were visiting from out of town.

They never showed up, and they never called.

Five years ago, I simply would have picked up the phone and called and asked “what up?” But it’s more than Vonage preventing me from making that call today. I just can’t do it. I don’t want to hear their bullshit. And I sure don’t want to hear someone tell me they have no record of my half-hour call arranging the set-up time and date.

Basically, I am standing here beside myself. Any normal person would just call them and arrange another hook-up time. But I’m not a normal person, thanks to them. Five years I haven’t been on line because of their incompetence, and then when the five years is up, and I have a half hour conversation with them, they not only don’t show up, but they don’t even call?! Is this what you all put up with on a regular basis? Really?! Is there no way around them? No way to cut them out of the loop? No way to get the Internet and make sure they never see one penny of my hard-earned money. Because it would basically take them begging on hands and knees and offering me all kinds of perks before I gave them a dime. That may be the “way it is” but that will never be the way it is in Gino World. I did five years without them. I’ll do fifty more.

But, all seriousness aside, I would like some feedback. If I get an I-phone do I have to have the Internet on my home PC in order to download I-tunes and put music on my phone? What if I get an android? Same thing? Because one of the main things I want to do is put music from my incomparable CD collection (OK, Robert’s is better and bigger than mine) onto my phone so I can play super cool tunes at the Yacht Club. See?! This directly affects you! I need to know if I can somehow cut Comcast out of the loop. Roy says I need them more than they need me. That just rubs me the wrong way. But is it true? Do they have me by the short and curlies? Don’t make me turn this into a desert planet again. Grrr . . . . .

The Yacht Club’s 25th Anniversary is April 14th with bands American Anodyne, Walk from the Gallows, and hopefully the second line band Wasted Potential.

Does anybody know what a second line band even is? Someone call Smith’s Olde Bar and talk to Emily!

Also St. Patty’s Day.

Also Daylights saving time.

Also 1st day of Spring.

Gino
1768 Pennington Place
Atlanta, GA 30316